truth

Ive always been waiting for “the right time” to talk about this but i guess there’s never really a right time.
Honestly I still cant face it and I guess I can only hope I will in time.

Ive been putting this on discretion but since eventually I’d have to go with it;

Im not continuing my second semester in MUFY let alone Sunway University College, which means I wont be going to Monash as planned either.

I recently had a call, the day I sat for the ASEAN exam about a month ago.
Ive been offered a scholarship from JPA for my foundation programme and degree, locally of course, since i did not get the overseas.
As great as all this sounds, I didn’t want it.

But it was all in place because I was offered a private prestigious university and got the course i applied for.
There wasn’t any reason for me to justify to say no to this.

Why ive been so bummed is because :

• Ive been assign to go to Nottingham University (Malaysia campus) in Semenyih which is about an hour drive from here, which also means I’ll be living in a hostel and only get to come back on weekends.
• Unlike any far colleges, Nottingham is pretty isolated and far from the city because of the space required for its structure and size. I heard its a 20 minute bus ride to the train station. :( Not to a mall or a city but the train station---------
  
• I am never good at staying alone and i hate being in new environments without a physical support system directly by me. I.am.alone.
• I hate having to leave MUFY in the middle of the year just when we all planned to have convenient breaks together.
• Staying in Kota Kemuning already had me going on and on about how far I am away from everyone. Now I am 1 hour away. O_O

Up till now I haven’t had the heart to let people know even when they ask me how Im doing in Sunway. :(
Im sorry I havent been honest or told most of you in person. I didnt have the heart to because not talking about it made it seem like it woulndt happen.

I know I have to suck it up and be the grown up and accept that eventually i have to go through this sooner or later, but this is too sooonnnn.

Weekends aren’t enough.

Now all that waking up at 6am, dealing with traffic every morning, arriving in college an hour earlier to get a parking, finishing late etc doesn’t seem to be that bad to me anymore.
Seriously, id take all that back.

I know i sound like a whimp for complaining and how spoilt i am for not wanting this, but i do know that I cant say no to this.
No is already not an option.

I guess im just very scared of what might be.

I still very much want to go to Sunway UC, and be around friends and family 24/7 here. :(




While all this is still new to me to absorb and accept and suit to,
Im leaving in less than 2 weeks which leaves me feeling speechless and the most alone ive ever felt.